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“So… we’re really doing this?”Her furtive smile. Soft crease across her brow. Like dice, a dull bell rattles above the door. Two students saunter in, bringing the April air with them. Wet and warm. The scent of citrus and fir. Like a drink. I’d like a drink. Something stronger than coffee. They’re holding hands. In love, most likely. Maybe not.Lena sips, cupping the mug with both palms. She’s trying to look calm like this means nothing to her. Naught but a novelty. A sport and a pastime. Her trembling hands betray her.“Yes,” I glance at the clock. Hands like a beating heart. Always pulsing. Running out of time, “I mean… if it’s what you really want.”The idea was to sound impassive. Disinterested, even. No better than her, the quaver in ‘you’ gives me away.“I don’t want to force you.”Another nervous smile. She sips and swallows.“Liar.”Lena was to be my slave.We’d şişli escort talked about it a lot. Today, the day before, the day before that. Over iced tea at dusk. The air obese with night-blooming jasmine. Her feet in my lap, nails chipped and chokeberry red. All around, lazy fireflies burn their citrine, come-hither lanterns. Or brushing our teeth in the same sink before dawn. Words slurred with spearmint and saliva. She sways on tiptoe. Smooth ivory crescents of her ass, winking at me beneath yesterday’s t-shirt. I can never resist a swat. Make her squeal. Spit foam on the mirror.We’d mulled it over in abstracts mostly. The way one debates determinism. Metempsychosis. The existence of God. We’d talk about it til arousal took over. Til a light breeze on her chest was enough to light her on fire. Til I had to stop and stopper her mouth with mecidiyeköy escort my cock. Words still lingering on her lips. So much unsaid.It was fun to talk about. A fantasy. A forbidden one. As intoxicating as it was impossible.But now. Now we’re about to make it real. Still invisible, maybe. But as true and testable as the laws of motion. The physics of a falling body. Little Lena’s fall from grace. To her, all it really took was an incantation. The magic words, so to speak. Whisper a proverbial ‘I do,’ and suddenly the fabric of our relationship will rip itself inside out. She’ll be mine. Entirely. Mine to control. To punish. To possess. Mine do with what I will. No pretense or artifice. To swear an oath could make it so.But I’m not like Lena. I have far less faith in words. Impermanent. Ambiguous. You can worship and sin in one breath, and by the next, they’re both forgotten. In a wedding, the vows are only a symbol. The rings are a symbol. The kiss, especially, is a symbol. A collar’s not enough. To make it real, a marriage must be consummated. Queen Anne’s lace. The heat of deeds. Red floret in a field of white. Like a kiss, a kind of violence. All the rest is rhetoric.The same holds true here. The question was how to go about it. How best to deflower her. To pluck her petals. To bed my bride.“…Well?”She’s making eyes. Sliding her ankle along mine. Bitter mocha on her breath. Lips wet. Nipples stiff. They show through her blouse like braille. I want to touch her. Badly. Move my hands across her breasts. Read and rewrite the sounds of her arousal. Make her sigh. Make her scream.Not yet.I grit my teeth, glance again at the clock. The steamer hissing and spitting on the counter. Frothing milk. Streaks of grime on all the windows. Salt tears of yesterday’s rain. A sullen girl in a soiled apron slops her flaccid mop across the floor. Everything’s damp this time of year.

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