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I can’t pretend I’m not loving Ryan living with me. Although Kev insists that Ryan gets his own room, it’s irrelevant because he’s in my room every night, and I thank god for well-built houses as his feverish moans shake up the air.

I’m taking him now, gripping his narrow waist as I drive up into him, his head pressed into the curve of my neck. I can feel his breath, hear the whimpers drawn from him.

“Fuck, Alex, feels so good, so deep, fuck me baby.”

I can’t get enough of him, all of him, his lips and neck, his exposed collar bone, his flat, toned stomach, his perfect, tight ass squeezing around me.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, but, right now, it’s perfect.

* * * * *


Alex and I decide to tell our friends that we’re together. Before school I have no idea how we’re going to do it, Alex just told me to leave it to him.

So, I’m in the cafeteria with the gang, feeling like my life is finally coming together. My mom hasn’t told me how much money Evelyn has given to her, but she has been spending a little time with her, going for dinner, catching up on the good things that they used to have, and I’ve never seen my mom happier.

After Kev’s perseverance, she’s agreed to stay with him and Alex until her broken bones are fully healed, and she’s told me that she will go back to college, finally get those nursing qualifications she put on hold all those years ago. She also bought me a car, a puttering little run-around, at my insistence, although she wanted to get me something new, and the freedom it’s given me is unbelievable. I can use it to get to work, although she made me promise that I’d cut down my hours and focus on my studying.

She wants me to go to college, and that’s the one thing I’m feeling a little overwhelmed about. I’d gotten so used to the idea that I wouldn’t, that my mom needed me too much, that this idea that it’s a real option has me running a little scared, a little dazed.

I’m trying not to think too far ahead now though, chatting to Mad about her weekend, her filling me in, way too much, about her weekend away with Taylor. Aubrey is on my other side, talking to Hai while she casually strokes my shin, which is laying across her thighs.

I’m laughing at something, my head thrown back, when I’m enveloped in fresh citrus scent, soft full lips pressing down on me. My first instinct is utter shock – we’re surrounded by people who, though I can no longer see them, my vision obscured by beachy waves and warm green eyes, I’m sure are gawping and gossiping. But then, genuine desire takes over, and I fling my arms around his neck, pulling him in, responding with my explorative tongue.

“Fuck Ry,” he breathes laughingly into my ear when we pause, gasping, “I think we managed to let people know we’re together.”

So that’s it, that’s how we go from not-exactly-secret-but-not-telling-people to everybody-knows-more-than-they-could-possibly-want-to.

* * * * *


On Friday after school we get some news that I’m less than happy to hear.

“Ryan, sweetheart,” his mum says, “I’ve bought us a house.”

They spend time fluttering over the brochure, and it is a nice looking house, a small gray weatherboarded triangle, with a clean white veranda and a neat green yard. But it’s a house I hate because it’s going to take Ryan away from where he belongs, in my arms, night after night.

And then it gets worse.

“You’ll have to move school for the rest of the year, it’s in Riverside.”

“No!” Ryan and I both speak at the same time.

“Mom, you can’t make me move now. I’m settled, I have to finish school here.”

“Baby, it’s not as simple as that. I have some bad memories here, and I want to start fresh. You’ll be going away to college soon enough so it’s only temporary. I know you’re upset about leaving your friends,” and she sends me an apologetic glance, “but you’d be leaving them when you start college anyway.”

“When?” Ryan gulps and I take him in my arms, hugging him tightly to me.

“Next week. There isn’t any need to delay it. Please don’t be upset Ryan, I know you want to stay, but it’s only temporary.”

I can tell Ryan is fighting back tears, he hates to cry in front of anyone, and I try to stay strong for him, although I’m on the edge myself.

“Hey, Siobhan, let me take you out to celebrate your new house and going back to college?”

Thank you, Kev, always knowing how to deal with a situation. Luckily, Ryan’s mum sees what he’s doing and agrees, and within thirty minutes they’re out the door, heading to a nice restaurant.

We’ve been silent the whole time they were getting ready to leave, Ryan’s warm body pressed back into my chest, my hands gently resting across his torso. When they’re gone, he turns, pushing himself into me, thrusting his mouth against my neck almost feverishly.

“Hey, Ryan, baby, slow down. Don’t you want to talk?”

“No,” he huffs, “if I only have a week left with you I’m making the most of it.”

“But, mecidiyeköy eskort surely there’s something we can do? You can’t be okay with leaving your friends…”

“Listen, Alex. My mom wasn’t wrong. At the end of the year everyone’s going their separate ways anyway. I’ll stay close to some and not to others, and losing these few months won’t make that much difference – I already know who’s important to me.

“But the one who’s most important? That’s you. And what we have always had to be temporary, we knew that. But I thought we had longer to enjoy it, and if we don’t then I’m not giving up a second of the time we have left.

“I want you to take me upstairs, Alex, and make me feel so good I forget that I’m losing you. Christ, I want you to make me forget my own name.”

I pull him up, into my arms, his long legs wrapped around my hips, and carry him to our room, dropping kisses along his jaw and down the elegant column of his throat. Once we arrive, I strip him, revealing his perfect creamy skin, kissing each section as it’s exposed to me.

When he’s naked expect for his ass-hugging boxers, I kiss his mouth, drawing him close, tasting every part, breathing in the warm spice of his skin.

“Hey,” he pulls away, giggling, “why am I the only one without clothes?”

“You wanted to forget your name?” I growl, lust boiling in my stomach.

He lets out a squeak of affirmation, sensing that I have plans for him, as I push him onto the bed, on his stomach, easily sliding his boxers down.

“Don’t move,” my tone is uncharacteristically stern but I can tell he likes it, the way he lets out a gasp of passion, slightly raising his hips in response.

He obediently stays still and I go to my drawer, where I stored the exciting purchases I’d made and never had a chance to use. I don’t know which I’ll go for – I kinda went all out and I don’t want his memory loss permanent so it probably won’t be all of them – so I grab the shallow fabric tray I’m keeping them in and place it on the bed, flipping him onto his back.

There’s only one thing I know I want to use for sure, and I need access to his front for this.

“Can I?” I hold up some broad leather cuffs and he nods, eyes perfectly wide, lips parted as his wet pink tongue flicks over them.

I cuff his wrists together, using a tie to loosely bind him to the headboard, looking down at this incredible sight, that I have definitely fantasized over, more than once. His torso is stretched out, making his lean muscles twist and tense with each short, excitable breath he takes.

I bend to plant nibbling kisses across the ridges of his clavicles, across each shoulder and along his sensitive neck. Just this has him moaning and writhing and I’m about to step things up a notch, moving my mouth to his wonderfully responsive nipples, flicking my tongue and gently pulling with my teeth to slather each one in moisture, until the nubs are glistening and elongated and he’s begging me for more, anything.

Then I hold up the toy I think he’ll go wild for, a questioning look in my eyes as the silver chain tinkles against itself. I didn’t think it possible, but his exquisite ultramarine eyes go even wider, bright with anticipation. He nods eagerly, giving me the permission I need, and I firmly take one of his buds, aroused even further under my touch, twisting enough to elicit a gasp.

“Baby, if this hurts just say and I’ll take them straight off. We don’t need any safe words because we’re not playing a game here – if you tell me to stop I’ll stop.”

His head moves in understanding, a high-pitched keen forced from his throat as I tighten the first bolt. I pause, worried, until I see his eyes have become almost animalistic with lust, his perfect, smooth cock leaking more precum than I’ve ever seen from him, which only increases when I attach the second clamp.

He’s raising his hips, dying for me to touch him, but I have one more toy I want to try on him today. I crouch before him, spreading him so I can see the tight muscle of his pucker, spasming as he becomes more and more aroused. I want to taste him first, pressing forward, flicking and twisting until I’m inside that hot space, rewarded with cries of my name as he begins his ascent.

When I can’t wait any longer, and I suspect he can’t either, or at least that’s what he’s telling me, I go to my box, pulling out the lube and one long, slightly curved toy. It’s black, but glass, and I am in awe of the beauty of its simplicity.

“You’re going to put that inside me?” Ryan’s voice is as sexy as I’ve ever heard it, low and lustful but with a tiny tremor of submission.

“Only if you’ll allow me?”

“I trust you, Alex,” and he gently closes his eyes.

I’m sorry to see them disappear, but the way his long black lashes lay innocently on his pale cheeks almost makes up for it, and the way they flutter as I slowly push the narrow tip into him definitely does.

I add more lube, slowly pressing forward, conscious that he’s only had my taksim eskort tongue to open him up. His thighs are spread beautifully lewdly, the muscles bunching and flexing as he lightly bucks up to meet my movements.

I can tell the point when this long dildo passes the point I normally reach, because he whimpers quietly, a slight grimace crossing his face.

“Too much, baby?”

“Ungh, no, just deeper than I’m used to, go easy.”

I decide to shift the focus, partially withdrawing, using the intentional curve to lightly polish his sensitive bundle of nerves. After a while, he can’t hold anymore, chanting my name and begging me to help him come.

I’m tempted to taunt him, to prevent his release, or to at least see if I can push him until he releases without his cock being touched, but I’m selfish, I want this almost as much as he does, want to see the look of euphoria on his face as I guide him to completion, and I get my desire, feeling the pulse as his essence throbs from him, powerfully coating his delicate muscles.

I taste him then, running my tongue across his sweetly salty seed, lapping it down, never able to get enough of him. I carefully remove the clamps, rubbing firmly to reduce the rush of blood, his whimpers almost as sexy as the ones when he came. When I release his wrists I pull him to me, hugging him to my chest, excited as I think of all the wicked, filthy things I’m going to do to him.

And then I remember, no, I’m not, because we only have a week together, and I have to blink rapidly to hold the tears at bay.

* * * * *


I feel a little numb for the next few days, having to tell my friends I’m leaving, having to watch them being brave for me, because I’m the one who’ll be alone.

Then I get the smallest reprieve. Kev convinces my mom that she doesn’t want to move just yet, not so close to Christmas, that she wants to give me one last holiday with my friends so I can start school in the New Year in the right frame of mind.

I hug him for that, and I think he’s surprised, even though we have become close in these weeks since we came to stay. I haven’t been affectionate toward him, but that action, which I know is entirely for mine and Alex’s sake, fills me with love and with the alien sensation of what it must feel like to have a father who cares about your well-being and happiness.

It means I’m going to get to meet Alex’s brothers and I’m excited, if ridiculously nervous. Alex adores his brothers, it’s apparent in every way he talks about them, apparent in the stories he tells and the pictures that adorn his wall, sharing space now with many pictures of me and Alex, and I’m terrified they won’t like me, even though it’s really a moot point as they could loathe me and it won’t matter to any of us when I’m in Riverside and Alex is, eventually, in Australia.

The day arrives when they land. The vacation has begun and I work in the morning. My mom might have asked me to cut back my hours, but she wouldn’t dream of asking me not to work, she values that ethic in me and I value my independence. I know I’ll be cutting it fine to get back to the house before they get there, but, still, when Marcy asks me to stay a while because the lunchtime rush lasts longer than normal, I do.

Before I head into the house, I try to calm myself, running my fingers through my thick hair – freshly cut, but only on the sides and back. Kev’s car is on the drive so I know they’re back from the airport, and I can’t believe I’m feeling nauseous with nerves. I try to act normal, carrying my insulated travel mug – for some reason I thought more coffee would help calm me down, but it’s really not.

I didn’t change after my shift, not wanting to waste any more time, so I’m wearing my black shirt, logo on the chest pocket and sleeves roughly rolled up, and my slim fitting black twill trousers. It’s not the worst uniform in the world, at least it’s not yellow with a little matching hat, and I know it’s pretty flattering. It’s smart enough, I decide: I do want Alex to be proud of me, so first impressions matter.

When I walk into the living room, first impressions suddenly mean nothing. The atmosphere is like an ice-box and all the coldness seems to be emanating from Alex, who is curled in on himself in the large armchair. There are three other boys in the room and I’m really confused. I know I’m expecting to meet Lockie and Finn but I have no idea who the spare is.

Finn is obvious, I know he’s fourteen, and the short brown-skinned teen approaches me with a nervous smile showing small, perfect white teeth.

“Hi, you must be Ryan, I’ve heard lots about you,” he offers his hand, his brown eyes twinkling as I shake it.

“Hi, and you must be Finn. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

He mustn’t have had his growth spurt yet, because it’s pretty obvious who his brother is. Lockie is nearly as tall as Alex but apart from his increased size and broad, muscular shoulders he’s almost Finn’s twin. His glossy brown hair is cut messily around his head şişli eskort and he carries a much more knowing twinkle as he approaches.

“I’ve also heard lots about you,” he winks and I can’t help the blush as I glance at Alex with a scowl – I know they’re close but I’m praying now that they’re not too close.

“Shut up Lockie,” Alex growls, and I wonder what’s eating him, and if I’m going to get an introduction to the third boy, who looks a lot more like Alex.

He’s about six feet, but whilst I’m close to his height, that’s where the similarity ends. His shoulders are wide and solid, and it’s obvious he’s built under the tight grey t-shirt he wears. He has neat blond hair and light blue eyes set in a handsome golden-skinned face.

He stands now, approaching me, “I’m Hunter, and I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you. I’m Alex’s best friend and you sure are pretty,” but it doesn’t sound like a compliment.

His look is unfriendly, and his light eyes have a coldness to them. He doesn’t shake my hand, just sends that cold look my way, with a matching sneer. It’s apparent he doesn’t like me, though I have no idea why. But then, with a sharp pang to my heart, I realize I don’t need him to like me. I only have three weeks left with Alex, so this guy’s opinion means nothing to me, regardless of his friendship status with Alex.

“Hi Hunter, I’ve also heard not a single thing about you,” and I hear the snort of amusement from Alex, even as Hunter huffs and turns away.

I don’t know what the deal is between the two of them, but it’s none of my business and I won’t let it ruin Christmas for me and my mom.

* * * * *

Later, we’re around the dinner table and I manage to glean a bit more information about the mysterious Hunter. Firstly, that Lockie had run across him and discovered he was on his own for Christmas, his parents choosing to travel and expecting him to stay at university, so had invited him to spend Christmas with his family, because he’s Alex’s best friend.

It also becomes apparent that Lockie had kept this plan a secret, hoping to surprise Alex, and that it had been a surprise, but seemingly not entirely a pleasant one, as Alex has barely spoken to Hunter.

The conversation takes a turn when Kev brings up the sleeping arrangements.

“Sorry Hunter, because we didn’t know you were coming I haven’t made a bed up yet, you’ll need to stay in with Lockie and Finn-“

“No need for that, he can have Ryan’s room, can’t he, baby, you can stay in with me?”

There is an edge to Alex’s words, like he’s worried I’ll reject him, but there’s no way that’s happening. It’s not like I’ve ever actually slept in that room anyway, and I’m more than happy to support whatever this vendetta he has going on, at least until he has chance to reveal the details to me.

“Of course, Alex, I’ll move my stuff after dinner.”

I take his hand and give it a squeeze, letting him know I’m on his side, and he gives me a grateful smile.

* * * * *

After dinner Alex does some Muay Thai with me in the garage while the others watch a movie. We don’t talk about what’s going on, both of us just focusing on the sound of the pads slapping, the soothing ache in our muscles as we twist and strike.

Afterwards I need to grab my mom in the kitchen – I want her advice on something to get Alex for Christmas as I’m worried the idea I’ve had might be a bit too out there.

He went for a shower, and I need to move the few things I still have in my official room to Alex’s before Hunter can settle in there. When I get to the top of the stairs I see Alex’s door is open and catch the rarely heard sound of his voice raised in anger.

“What the fuck Hunter? What are you doing here?”

“I thought you’d want to see me,” his voice sounds a little small and lost and I almost – almost – feel sorry for him, until I hear his next words, “how was I to know that you would shack up with some pretty little faggot?”

I hear those words like a physical strike, taking a step back and grasping the balustrade to hold myself up. It’s not made better when Alex responds.

“Better a ‘pretty little faggot’ than some in-the-closet pseudo-straight-guy.”

“Whatever, Alex. Did it take you a whole five minutes to get over me and start dipping your wick into whatever else was available?”

“No, to be honest it took less time than that. I was pretty much over you the minute I walked in on you fucking our mutual best friend, and that was cemented when you outed me to the whole school.”

“Bullshit. There’s no way you are…”

There’s silence then. A worrying silence.

I walk forward, pausing at Alex’s open door, to witness something that makes the bile rise. Alex is pressed against Hunter, kissing him with passion, his hands gripping Hunter’s short blond hair, wearing nothing but a towel, his shoulders still damp from the shower.

Hunter has hold of those shoulders, his fingers pressed firmly into the smooth flesh as he responds with equal fervor as Alex pushes him back against the desk. A single sob is ripped from my throat, but I’m not fucking crying over that rat bastard, and I see Hunter’s open eyes, glazed with a smug expression, as I wheel away from the room.

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